


He Tastes Like Hope, She Tastes Like Joy

by QueenoftheWallflowers



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bisexual Bellamy Blake, Coming Out, Endgame Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Sexual Tension, ignoring s7, little spoon Bellamy Blake
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 05:08:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24868105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenoftheWallflowers/pseuds/QueenoftheWallflowers
Summary: Bellamy Blake is bisexual- Or the fic where Bellamy finds love and acceptance.
Relationships: Aurora Blake & Bellamy Blake & Octavia Blake, Bellamy Blake & Nathan Miller, Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, Bellamy Blake/Gabriel Santiago | Xavier, Bellamy Blake/Gina Martin, Bellamy Blake/John Murphy, Bellamy Blake/Other(s), Bellamy Blake/Roan
Comments: 48
Kudos: 79





	He Tastes Like Hope, She Tastes Like Joy

Bellamy drops to the mat with a loud exaggerated sigh and lays down, arching his back and crosses an arm across his chest, streching his arms. He looks at the dark blonde haired boy who is hunched over, hands on his knees, smirking at him.  
"Giving up already Blake?"  
Bellamy laughs and he streches the other arm and then sits up reaching for his toes, he flashes the dark blonde a teasing smile.  
"Give me a second and I'll have you flat on your back"  
The boy drops to his knees, a dark mischevious look in his eyes as he crawls over to where Bellamy is sitting and leans in close, his voice low and husky as he keeps leaning, forcing Bellamy to lean back until he's flat on his back.  
"Flat on my back? Is that so Blake?"  
His hands encircle Bellamy's wrists pinning him to the mat and he swings a leg over Bellamy's body, straddling him.  
Bellamy's eyes are dark as they meet the boy's dark blue eyes.  
He leans in close, his lips a breathe away, waiting for Bellamy to consent.  
"Can I kiss you Blake?"  
Bellamy nods at him and then the boy's leaning down, kissing him softly and Bellamy kisses him back.  
Kissing him, it fills Bellamy with hope that happiness is possible up on the ark.  
Eventually the kiss turns heated, with Bellamy arching his back causing the boy above him to nip at his bottom lip and the boy lets go of Bellamy's hands to run a hand through Bellamy's hair and Bellamy's hand slip under the boy's shirt, pressing him closer and he moans as their hips grind against each other.  
Bellamy pulls away, panting, "Fuck Luke."  
The boy presses a soft kiss to the scar above Bellamy's lips before he makes his way to a spot on Bellamy's neck that draws out the prettiest sounds he's ever heard from the younger dark haired, freckled boy's mouth and when he feels Bellamy's nails dig into his shoulder, he rewards the boy's reaction with a tug on his hair exposing more of his neck to him.  


* * *

**Aurora Blake**  
Aurora wants to pace around the cabin but she couldn’t because it would tip Octavia off that something was wrong, so instead, she holds the fabric in her hand tighter and channels her worries into her stitches, making them as small and as neat as possible, putting all her focus there and not on the whereabouts of her son.  
She smiles softly at her daughter, who is currently helping her with some mending that Jake Griffin has requested for her to do.  
His daughter’s birthday was coming up and he wanted to fix up a dress for her, it's was pretty due, a simple dark blue and it was soft, and she could see Octavia's longing glance.  
She liked Jake Griffin, he was kind and adored his daughter. He always paid her a bit extra whether it was with money or food or extra ration points and never once made her feel uncomfortable the way some of her other customers did, with the way they leered at her.  
He called her Miss Aurora and always smiled and greeted her when he saw her no matter where he was or who he was with.  
But focusing on the dress didn't stop her from worrying.  


Bellamy was late, it wasn’t quite past curfew but Bellamy had never been the type to stay out so late.  
Not when Octavia was hiding under the floor.  
Not if it meant cutting into his time with his sister.  
Even with guard training, he had always been good about letting her know he would be late or getting home on time for dinner.  
But for the past two weeks, he had been acting differently.  
He was leaving for training earlier, his hair, less messy, more gel.  
He took more care with making sure his shirts were clean.  
He would come home later, a smile on his face, cheeks sometimes tinted pink, his hair a bit of a mess which he always brushed off as the aftermath of a sparring session with his partner, not that she believed him.  
A few nights ago, she had seen a bruise, a hickey, on his collarbone.  
When she asked him, he had blushed but maintained a straight face telling her that it was a bruise from training.  
Aurora didn’t call him out, she had been young once, and she remembered the rush it felt being young and wanting to have some fun.  
She remembers Bellamy's father pressing her against the wall, a smile on his face as he kissed her before he headed to work.  
However, a part of her was worried and she wanted to make sure her son was careful and had planned to talk to him about it.  
It however had slipped her mind because the next day she got a tip about a surprise inspection but there had been a change in Bellamy in the last few days.  
He seemed happier, lighter, less burdened and worried about things.  


Aurora was conflicted.  
She wanted her son to be happy, to find someone but the truth was that as long as Octavia was hiding under their floorboards, her son would not be able to truly be with someone.  
He would never be able to marry, there was no guarantee that Octavia would be safe and no guarantee that the person he was with would be able to keep such a heavy secret.  
Bad enough that she was putting her children in danger of being floated, she would not risk another innocent life.  
But as a mother it hurts, knowing her son won't be able to find that special someone to marry.  
Life in the ark was grim. But she had found that having love was worthwhile.  
She once had a love like that, someone who made her happy, someone that made all the gray days on the Ark seem full of color.  
Losing him had almost shattered her but she had Bellamy to worry about.  
A part of her felt like a horrible mother, she wanted her son to find what she had but he couldn’t because she wanted to be selfish and have and keep another child.  
Her eyes land on Octavia and she reaches over to brush some of her hair off her face and Octavia looks up at her, a smile on her face.  
“Where’s Bell?”  
“He probably lost track of time studying. You know how hard he works. If he becomes a guard, he can protect you better.”  
Octavia laughs softly and Aurora knows without a doubt that if given the choice to do it she would change nothing.  
She loves her children and she can’t think of a life without them.  
Maybe it’s not the way to live but it’s her life, but it's their lives and they will have to do the best they can.  
The closer it gets to curfew the more worried she gets and she can tell that Octavia feels the same.  
Eventually, it’s time for Octavia to go to her space under the floor and Aurora can see that she’s afraid but she refuses to let Octavia know how scared she is too.  
“He’ll be home soon, you know how long and hard and tiring training can be. It’s nice that he’s working hard. Remember being a guard keeps you safe.”  
Aurora sighs when Octavia slips under the floor and she settles herself on the bed, waiting.  
She’s tired but she won’t sleep until she knows Bellamy is okay, safe.  


He comes up five minutes before curfew and Aurora can’t help but fling herself into his arms in relief.  
He hugs her back quickly.  
“Mom? What’s wrong? O?”  
“I was so worried, you are never out this late.”  
She pulls away and sees a flash of guilt on his face but then she pulls back and studies him.  
His hair is a mess, his shirt is rumpled and it’s buttoned wrong and his lips are swollen.  
The realization hits her.  
There is no doubt about it.  
Bellamy had been out with someone.  
“I’m sorry. I was out with…. We lost track of time. We were studying for a guards exam.”  
Aurora raises an eyebrow, she has never seen her son so flustered, he’s better at lying than this.  
“You’re a better liar than this. She must be pretty special.”  
Bellamy licks his lips and Aurora is suddenly struck by how young her son looks. He’s only eighteen.  
“He is.”  
He is.  
Aurora lets that sink in.  
A boy.  
Her son was with another boy.  
A part of her was confused, she had heard and seen her son with girls, watching the way he smiled at them. He had come home once or twice with lipstick on his cheek.  
But a boy?  
A boy was unexpected.  
Her mind whirls with panic, a boy, her son with a boy might draw attention to them, to Octavia but then she looks at him. She looks at the way Bellamy looks at her, fear in his eyes and all the warnings on her tongue, all the things she wants to say disappear from her head.  
He’s her son.  
Bellamy is her son.  
And she loves him.  
She could care less if they are girls or boys or if they are from Factory or Alpha.  
His happiness is all that matters.  
“Are you happy?”  
She grabs his hands and he squeezes hers.  
He smiles brightly, tears in his eyes and that's all the answer she needs.  
“I really like him.”  
She reaches for him, cupping his face.  
“Then I’m so happy for you. Just be careful, don’t want to miss curfew.”  
She presses a kiss to his forehead.  
Bellamy nods a few tears spilling down his cheeks and she hurries to brush them away.  
“I love you. I love you no matter who you are, what you do, or who you love, okay? I love you.”

* * *

**Nathan Miller**  
It's a cold early morning. They've only been on the ground for a short time but the danger they are facing is clear and ever present.  
Bellamy takes his job of leading and protecting the hundred seriously, he has to.  
Most of them are just kids, but others- like Clarke and Miller have shed that label and have stepped up to be adults, to take responsibilty and well it feels wrong to refer to them as kids, when Clarke is in partner in leading and Miller is currently holding a gun, eyes scanning the forest.  
Bellamy likes Miller.  
He's quiet, observing but he'll open his mouth open and make quips that will have him biting his lip tp keep from laughing.  
Miller's smart and despite the fact that he comes from Alpha, he has a different aura to him than Clarke does and Wells did.  


Bellamy knows only a handful of things about Miller.  
His father was one of the top guards and he remembers David Miller from training, the man was kind to everyone.  
It was a bit of a surprise to see David Miller's son on the ground but it also made him smile because he was thankful for him.  
There were only a few people he trusted to have his back and Nathan Miller is one of them.  
He's clearly David Miller's son, as much as Nathan doesn't like to admit it, he has the same kindness, the same smile, and the same loyalty to those he cares about.  
He respects Miller, besides any man who can proudly say he was a theft earns his respect.  
Finding out that Miller was stealing stuff from the other Alphas and giving them to others made him respect the beanie clad boy even more.  
He didn't show it too often but Miller had a heart of gold.  


Bellmay likes having Miller as his patrol partner, he knows when Bellamy needs silence and also when Bellamy needs someone to talk to. He's never really had a friend but Bellamy is sure that he can call Miller his friend.  
Miller's been quiet, and Bellamy can tell that despite his alertness, he's deep in throught.  
Like many people, the ship that had exploded and had brought many tears and questions to people's eyes and mouths and he wouldn't be surprised if Miller was wondering if anyone he knew was on that ship.  
"Thinking about your dad?"  
Miller turns to him and laughs sadly.  
"No, actually, I know my dad. He wouldn't be on the ship, he would have given his spot to someone else. I'm thinking about... it doesn't..."  
"Miller."  
He squeezes his shoulder and Miller relaxes under his touch before he tenses again, pulling away slightly and Bellamy's hand drops to his side, wondering if he had crossed a boundary, had ruined what could be a good friendship.  
Outside of his sister and sex, he's not sure how to touch people.  
"I'm thinking about my boyfriend. What if... what if I don't see him again? What if he was on that ship?"  
Miller won't look at him and Bellamy's heart is racing.  


For Bellamy, the threat of his mother being floated and his sister being locked up, were enough to make him keep his head down and not say anything.  
It was why he and his boyfriend had kept things quiet for a long time, Bellamy had a lot to risk and Luke understood it. It made him feel guilty sometimes for not being able to walk down the halls head held high, hand in hand with his boyfriend but then he thinks of the moments between the two of them. Them laughing during training, the two of them looking down at earth, fingers brushing, them kissing as they went over their notes.  
He wouldn't trade those moments, his memories for the world.  
"What was the last thing you said to him?"  
Miller's quiet, thinking, and Bellamy sees his finger clench around the gun.  
"See you soon, I love you."  
Bellamy's quiet as Miller shakes his head.  
"My last words were I love you... He used to see me twice a week in the Skybox you know. I thought he would leave after I got arrested but he, came to see me twice a week sometimes more the entire time I was in there."  
Miller's voice breaks at the end of the sentence and Bellamy's heart twinges. He licks his lips, figuring it's his turn to share.  
"When my mother got floated, I pushed everyone away. My ex... he... he stuck around. Checked on me. Slipped food to me. The day she was floated, the day they told me I couldn't see Octavia, the day when her birthday came around, when my mother's birthday came around, he held me as I cried, when I couldn't sleep."  
Bellamy can feel his arms around him, nose pressed to the back on his neck, and he can hear his comforting whispers, telling him that he was not alone, that he was here, that he loved him.  
Miller moves closer to him, gun pointed at the ground.  
"What were your last words to him?"  
Bellamy's quiet and for a second Miller wonders if he said the wrong thing.  
He was happy that Bellamy trusts him enough to tell him about his boyfriend. It makes him feel special, like they are friends.  
"I don't deserve you... those were my last words to him. He figured out I was up to something... he wanted to help, said he loved me and I told him that I didn't deserve him, that he could do better than some janitor."  
Bellamy closes his eyes thinking of the pain that had flickered in his blue eyes, the way he pressed him against the wall kissing him softly but desperatly, trying to pour his love into his kiss, so Bellamy could understand how important he was to him, so he could understand that the dark blonde boy loved him. Bellamy had kissed him back of course, tears on his face, trying to say everything he couldn't with the kiss before he pulled away wordlessly from him.  
Bellamy's last look of him had been him, guard jacket on, a hand in his hair, eyes soft and sad as he watched Bellamy walk away.  
Bellamy is shaken out of his thoughts by Miller's hand on his arm. He turns to see the boy's brown eyes on him, soft, full of understanding.  


For a quick second Bellamy thinks about kissing Miller.  
It would be simple, easy to lean over and kiss him.  
But it's not.  
Because Miller's boyfriend could come down from the Ark, alive and who is he to get in the way of someone who makes Miller happy all because he feels lonely and sad about the boy he left behind.  
Miller and his boyfriend, they still have a chance.  
Him and his boyfriend?  
Well, Bellamy doesn't know if they would ever be okay but he misses him, he misses the way his boyfriend would wrap an arm around him, laughing in his ear softly, he misses the way the older boy would run his fingers through his hair.  
He misses the feeling of hope he used to feel when he kissed him, like no matter how bad things were, at least he was there, ast least he cared about him.  
He misses him and Bellamy has no idea, no clue, no hope that he will ever see the blonde boy ever again.  
He could kiss Miller and while it might make him feel better, he can't take away Miller's hope for seeing his boyfriend again.  
So Bellamy nods and looks back towards the woods and Miller gets the message and he looks forward.  
Bellamy licks his lips.  
"Miller, thank you for not only being my right hand man but being my friend."  


* * *

**Gina Martin**  
It comes up when they are laying in bed, talking.  
She nuzzles his neck, her bare skin soft under his fingertips.  
He loves moments like these with her.  
Just the two of them in her bed, pressed together, just basking in the aftermath of them.  
Her curly hair soft, tickling his nose, her legs intertwined with his, her body warm and soft but strong, pressed aganist his.  
Around Gina, he lets himself be soft.  
He lets himself be soft in a way he used to let himself be around Clarke, around him.  
In a way, the earth doesn't let him be soft.  
The earth has no room for softenes, it had stripped Clarke of her soft edges and bright eyes, it had taken Jasper's happiness and carefree attitude. It had taken him, away from him, it had taken _. his_ life.  
Bellamy tries to ignore the stab of pain he gets when he thinks about _him._  
He knew it was silly but a part of him had hoped that he had made it to the ground.  
He knew that there was a small chance of that happening but it still hurt getting the confirmation that he was dead.  
All he could think about when he saw his jacket was the last time he had seen him, the angry words he had said, the way he had kissed him hard, begging him to be safe, begging him not to be stupid, to trust, the whispered “I love you Bellamy Blake” as he had left him behind.  
It hurts to think about him, his bright blue eyes and soft smile, the way he laughed, the way he was kind.  
Kind in a way that the cruel earth might have destroyed.  
In a way that it did destroy, perhaps for the better.  
The earth would not be able to strip _him_ of his softness, of the light in his eyes and Bellamy would do his best to make sure that the earth's cruelness didn't touch Gina.  


Her fingers are playing with his as she tells him about the first time she had sex- some boy from Farm Station. It had been awkward and involved a lot of fumbling around but they had a good laugh.  
They do this a lot, talk. She'll tell him about her day and he will tells her about his. They'll talk about the ark sometimes, not too often because his memories aren't good ones but he likes hearing her talk.  
He knows that he should be paying attention but for some reason, _he’s_ on his mind today.  
He knows why- that damm jacket.  
He should have gotten rid of it, given it to someone else but when he saw the jacket all he could think about was the boy who used to wear it and before he knew it, he had slipped his arms into it.  
He has raised the collar to his nose and took a deep breath, closing his eyes and it's like he's back on the ark, his arms around him, him whispering in his ear.  


“What about you? Who was your first?”  
Bellamy freezes.  
He’s not quite sure what to say, he had fooled around with girls on earth a few times on the Ark but on the Ark, it had been mostly handjobs or quick fingering his busy schedule and desire to stay close to home because Octavia left little time to actually have fun.  
Until he started guard training.  
Until him.  
Until Luke.  
“My first what? Time?”  
“Yes, but I meant like who was your first girlfriend? Your first relationship? Unless you didn't have one on the ark.”  
She laughs and Bellamy rubs her arm and he sighs.  
He trusts Gina, loves her, not in the same way he trusts and loves Clarke because that love and trust for Clarke was forged through blood and fire, but he wants to tell her.  
He needs to tell someone.  
Besides, he loves Gina.  


“His name was Luke.”  
Her laugh dies, and Gina is quiet, the words, the masculine name loud in the room.  
Bellamy’s heart is pounding, what if this was a mistake?  
What if she leaves him?  
What if she screams?  
Tells Kane? The guards? Abby?  
He knows his thoughts are illogical because this is Gina and she is good, she loves him.  
She turns to face him, her fingers intertwining with his, pressing a soft kiss to his lips, before she pulls away, whispering to him, “Tell me about him?”  
Bellamy lets out a breath he wasn't aware that he was holding in and he squeezes her fingers.  
“We met in guard training together. I thought he was cute but I had Octavia to worry about plus I didn’t understand at that time, that I was, you know... That I liked guys too.”  
Bellamy can feel his cheeks flush but Gina hums in agreement.  
“He was from Alpha.”  
Gina giggles and Bellamy freezes.  
“Sorry, I just can’t picture you with someone from Alpha.”  
Bellamy can't help but laugh, thinking about the way he was to Clarke and Wells when they first came down, considering his situation with his mother and sister, he can see why she would think that.  
Unitl Luke, he never though he could get alone, let alone fall in love with someone from Alpha.  
“Took me by surprise too, he was nice, like genuinely nice. The type to help people carry things even if it meant being late to training, the type to talk to people. He was smart too, but he didn’t rub it in people’s faces the way some cadets did. He took the time to sit and help others. He didn’t look down at me because I was from a lower station."  
Bellamy trails off, lost in his thoughts and Gina presses a kiss to his hand, waiting for him to continue when he was ready.  
“He was good, you know, too good.”  
“You’re a good man too, Bellamy Blake.”  
Bellamy shakes his head and presses a kiss to her temple.  
“Luke, he was… he was good. Good in a way that you didn’t expect people from Alpha to be. He asked to work with the delinquents. He did the jobs nobody wanted. He helped those who didn’t want his help. And his smile, god his smile was the first thing I noticed about him.”  
He wonders if he should stop talking but Gina is looking at him, her hands holding his and he keeps going.  
“His smile was my favorite thing about him. It's what I missed the most. He made me smile, smile in a way I always could't because my sister my responsibilty. He was my partner for training, having him pin me down, having to learn how to fight, to defend myself was hard. We used to train after hours, just the two of us. He knew how important the guard was for me. But having him on top of me, laughing and smiling...”  
Bellamy closes his eyes, thinking of how Luke had kissed him, pinning him to the mat, lips brushing his teasingly.  
“What was your first kiss with him like?”  
Bellamy laughs and Gina smiles at the sight of him.  
She hasn't seem him look this calm, this happy at night, normally she will hold him through his nightmares running a hand through his hair, pressing soothing kisses to his forehead.  
It should fill her with jealously, hearing her boyfriend talk about his ex but instead it fills her with sadness because it was clear he loved Luke.  
(She also noted that he spoke about Clarke in the same way but that was a different thing to think about, for a different day.)  
“We were studying together, both of us pouring over our notes, studying for an exam. I looked up and he was looking at me, with this look in his eyes. And then he just leaned over and kissed me.”  
Bellamy closes his eyes, remembering the way Luke had leaned over and kissed him softly, one hand cupping his jaw, the other on his thigh.  
He had pulled away a few seconds after, only for Bellamy to lean in to kiss him back.  
They hadn't gotten much studying done that night.  
Gina watches her boyfriend lose himself to his thoughts.  
It makes her ache, she wishes she could help him, be there for him, but she doesn’t know how.  
She can't help him deal with his mixed feelings about Clarke and she doesn't know how to help him grieve his dead lover.  
“Thank you.”  
Bellamy looks at her and he tucks a curl behind her ear.  
“For what?”  
“For trusting me enough to tell me about Luke.”  
Bellamy kisses her softly, whispering as he pulls away.  
"Thank you for listening."  
His eyes are soft and it makes Gina's heart ache.  
Gina pushes his shoulder until his back is to her and she wrap an arm around his waist pulling herself close to him, her leg slipping inbetween his. She presses a kiss to the back of his neck and Bellamy sighs.  
He misses Luke because Luke was one of the few people to show him kindess but Gina, she reminds him of Luke.  
They both had hearts of gold and were both so smart, and so soft, so kind, so gentle with him.  
They were good.  
When he kissed Luke, it was what he imagined hope to taste like.  
When he kisses Gina, he feels her kindess, her goodness pouring from her to him.  
He raises one of Gina's hands to him mouth kiss her fingers.  
"I love you."  


* * *

**Roan**  
Bellamy will admit that his first impression of Roan was not a good one.  
To be fair the man was dragging Clarke away from him.  
And that was unacceptable.  
Anyone who was a threat to Clarke was the enemy.  
And while he's still not the biggest fan of the man, Clarke trusts him and he trusts Clarke.  
Besides as much as he hates to admit it, Roan is easy on the eyes.  
Roan is tall and strong and Bellamy won't every admit to anyone that he wouldn't mind having the man's hands over him.  
And the man's hair? Well, Bellamy woulnd't mind raking his hands through the older man's hair.  
And it seems like Roan thinks the same of him.  
He'll tosses Bellamy a quick smirk, letting his eyes roam up and down his body, before meeting his, eyes dark with lust and want and Bellamy always has to look away.  
And as usual, his eyes land on Clarke.  
But there's something about Roan, something dark and dangerous, something that tells Bellamy that he can give up his power to him and be something other and a leader that draws his eyes back to the older man.  


Roan is aware of his feelings for Clarke but that doesn't seem to phase him, he understands them and while Roan is rooting for them to figure it out, he's not going to hide his interest in either parties.  
So he presses on with teasing Bellamy and Bellamy stops feeling guilty about his attraction to Roan.  
He starts to tease him back, letting the hungry in his eyes darken when he gets too close.  
It's a test of wills, a game of who will submit first.  
Bellamy already knows he's going to be the one giving in first, (he's had way too many thoughts of Roan's hand on him, of Roan on top) but it doesn't stop him from giving it all he's got.  
Something tells Bellamy that the payoff will be sweet.  
And it is.  


He's seen the man fight, hand gripping his sword and the intensity that Roan looks at him makes Bellamy excited.  
He's trained with Roan a few times, both of them circling each other, shirts tossed to the side, hands or swords at the ready.  
Bellamy tries not to get distracted at the sight of Roan's sweaty skin, and the way his muscle move as he circles him, smirk on his face, hand wrapped around the hilt of the sword, knuckles white from gripping it too hard, his hair up out of his face but it's hard.  
Roan likes to tease, taunts spilling from his lips, almost playful in a way that contrasts with the hungry look in his eyes as he eyes Bellamy.  
And Bellamy, well he likes that hungry look.  
He likes it when Roan has him on the ground and he can get a glimpse, a taste of Roan's strength, of what it is like to be under the long hair man.  
Some times, Roan will lean in close close enough that Bellamy wants to raise his head and kiss him, hard, nipping at his lip.  
He has a feeling that Roan likes it rough.  
His feeling is confirmed after a sparring session in which Roan leans in close and runs his nose down his jaw and up to his ear, biting on the lobe as Bellamy gasps under him, whispering dirty things in his ears that has Bellamy's face heating up. When Bellamy's hips thrust up, Roan climbs off him and is out the door, leaving Bellamy, cheeks red, ears ringing with the words Roan said to him, and a tent in his pants.  


There is a moment aganist the rover, late at night. He's getting ready for them to leave to Becca's and he hears the sounds of footsteps approaching. He ignores them thinking it's Clarke, but the low chuckle he hears tells him otherwise.  
He turns around to find Roan in front of him, arms crossed, hair loose around his shoulders, arm bare, dressed in simple clothles. His eyes are dark and he looks at Bellamy up and down with the same hungry look that he had looked at him during training.  
He backs Bellamy up aganist the rover like a lion stalking his prey.  
His hands are on the rover, caging Bellamy in and then he's kiss him hard, body pressed close to Bellamy's teeth biting on his lower lip.  
Roan kisses like he fights, hard and dominating, leaving Bellamy little room to breathe, heart pounding in his chest.  
Roan pulls away from him suddenly and Bellamy opens his mouth and then closes it, not sure what to say.  
Roan raises an eyebrow, a serious look on his face.  
"Did I assume wrong? Do you..."  
"No, I..."  
Bellamy pulls Roan toward him kissing him hard, running his hands though Roan's hair and the man taken by surprise at first, reacts quickly and rakes a hand through Bellamy's hair, his nails scratching his scalp causing Bellamy to moan. Roan's hands make thier way down his back and down to his ass, pulling Bellamy's hips towards him, squeezing his ass as he pulls away from Bellamy's lips and makes his way to a spot on Bellamy's neck, sucking and biting as Bellamy tilts his head back, low moans being pulled from his lips as Roan press his hips against his.  
Bellamy's mind is spinning and when Roan pulls away from his neck, he can't stop the low pitched whine.  
He blushes as Roan laughs pulling him towards the back of the rover, opening the door with a low bow, a wink, and a pat on his ass.  


* * *

**John Murphy**  
Murphy and Emori's break up rattles everyone up more than people will admit.  
The Ring is small and it feels like everyone is constantly on top of each other.  
The break up leaves everyone on edge.  
Bellamy more so than others.  
It starts with them like this:  
The closer Emori and Raven get, the more the Murphy and Emori drifts, with Emori finding a sense of purpose and Murphy feeling like he's useless.  
And Bellamy, he has no idea how to make Murphy feel less useless, he feels like a piece of him is missing, although can it be missing if he knows where the missing piece is ?  
(Down on a burning planet, with Clarke.)  
Bellamy as silly as it is, is still refusing to forgive Echo, avoiding talking to her unless it's absoluetly necessary much to Raven's annoyance.  
He knows that eventually he might or at least do so for Raven's sake but right, he's content with where they stand.  
Harper and Monty are good and Bellamy and Harper grow closer, the two of them bonding over hair of all things. He'll braid her hair and she's the only one who can cut his hair. Someday she sits with him, head on his shoulder as he looks out the window.  
Both of them thinking about all the ground has taken from them.  
She doesn't try to talk to him like Monty does or tries to make him feel guilty like Raven.  
She just sits.  
Echo and Raven strike a friendship that grinds Bellamy's gears because he can't help but think of the missing blonde but he ignores it.  
But Murphy?  
He's angry and hurting and grieving and Bellamy is no help to him.  
Bellamy isolates himself in Clarke's room in the Skybox for a few hours every few days and Murphy lashes out on people.  
And then with the breakup, Murphy just isolated and closes himself off even more.  
He's got a whole part of the ring to himself and Bellamy is the only one who goes there, the only one who might know what he is feeling.  
Murphy is angry, grieving the ground and his relationship in space.  


The others don't know how to deal with it but Bellamy does.  
He still carries his anger and his grief, angry at himself for leaving Clarke to grief at leaving her behind, at the fact that she died in a fire, the way Gina died.  
So he goes to see him.  
He leaves foods and books for him and some days Murphy will jump him, arms around his neck, legs around his waist, nails digging into his skin and Bellamy's there to slam him against the wall. They circle each other, eyes blazing, angry.  
It might not be healthy but it's their was of coping.  


They've been in space for four years and Bellamy spends the day staring down at the planet thinking of Clarke, a bottle of moonshine in his hand.  
(He tries not to think about the fact that last year he spend this day, with Echo.  
It felt wrong to do so, a way of dishonoring the blonde girl he loves.  
Kissing her had been more of a way for him to shut up the thoughts in his mind, telling him that Clarke was dead and that it's his fault.  
He had avoided her for days later and she seemed to understand, which filled him with a sense of graditude.)  
It's been four years and today is his day to mourn alone.  
Nothing anyone says or does is enough to pry him away from the window, away from Clarke.  
No one, althought they try, really understands the depths of his guilt regarding Clarke, but then again no one loves Clarke the way he does.  
When he stumbles away, drunk, he ends up on Murphy's side of the ring, not wanting to deal with anyone.  
He figures Murphy will be in his room, of course he's wrong.  


Murphy leans against the door, arm resting above him, a smirk on his lips.  
"Is it that time of year again? Poor Bellamy, leaving his princess to die."  
He knows Murphy said it to rile him up and he should walk away but his blood in thumping in his veins and his heart is pounding and it stirs up the anger in his blood, in a way only that John Murphy can.  
Bellamy shoves him into the wall and Murphy hits the wall but he rolls his eyes, licking his lips, and Bellamy's eyes follow the movement.  
One second, that all it takes for Bellamy to decide his next movement.  
In that one second, Murphy opens his mouth, no doubt to make another scathing remark and Bellamy wants him, needs him to shut up.  
Bellamy surge forward crashing his lips onto the taller man's lips, his hands latching onto his shoulders, and he tastes the moonshine on Murphy's lips.  
Murphy's fingers are cold against his hips, dipping under his shirt and it's such a sharp contrast to the fire in his blood that he gasps and Murphy takes control of the kiss, slipping his tongue into his mouth.  
He steers them towards his room and Bellamy lets Murphy push him onto the bed.  
He looks up at the taller man and Murphy smirks as he climbs on to the bed, on top of Bellamy, kissing him hard.  
Murphy kisses him with an anger that's familar to Bellamy and Bellamy kisses him back, nipping at his bottom lip as he tries to flip them.  
But Murphy is either stronger than he thought or he's tired of being the strong one and Murphy remains on top of him.  
Evenutally the kissing becomes less hard, less angry as the moonshine flows throught their bloodstream.  
They are too drunk to do anything but kiss lazily and remove their shirts and Bellamy lets his nails dig into Murphy's pale skin while Murphy works his mouth on a spot on Bellamy's neck casuing Bellamy to thrust his hips up.  


Bellamy's eyelids are heavy and he burrows himself closer to Murphy, his side of the ring being much colder.  
It's morning and his head hurts and he has a vague recollection of pressing the boy behind him against the wall and kissing him and of Murphy leading him to the bed.  
He can feel Murphy's breath on his neck, his arm around his waist.  
"Morning."  
Bellamy turns to look at him, Murphy's looking at him, and Bellamy thinks that he looks softer, not as angry, or maybe that's just pillow talk.  
"Morning, umm thanks for last night."  
Murphy rolls his eyes.  
"No need to thank me, I had fun."  
Bellamy smiles, it's been a while. He hasn't had any fun since Bree, which makes him think of Clarke's blonde hair and that's not something he wants to think about so early in the morning so he leans in to kiss Murphy.  
Murphy has a couple of seconds of surprise before he's kissing him back and Bellamy raises himself up to kiss Murphy deeper, his arm braced on the other side of Murphy.  
When he pulls away Murphy is quiet.  
"So this is not one of those things we do just drunk?"  
Bellamy shakes his head.  
"No... it's...I'm..."  
"Just like Clarke?" Murphy's voice is soft and Bellamy swallows.  
He thinks of Macallen, of how the boy has kissed him, and then later the boy in his bed, rough, teeth in his shoulder.  
He thinks of her laughing, head bent close to Niylah laughing in the bunker.  
He thinks of Luke, pressing him against the training mats, pinning him down.  
He thinks of Bree the way she threw her head back, arching as he and Roma kissed her body.  
He thinks of Roan, whispering in his ear as he held his hips tightly, Bellamy moaning under him.  
"Yeah, I'm just like Clarke."  
Saying her name hurts and Murphy seems to know where his thoughts went and pulls him back in for a kiss.  


When he leaves the room, his shirt is wrinkled, his hair a mess. He hopes he doesn't run into anyone because he doesn't feel like explaining himself.  
Of course he ends up jinxing himself.  
As he rounds the corner, he bumps into Echo.  
The two of them stare at each other for a few seconds.  
She takes in his messy hair and where he comes from and Bellamy looks away from her.  
Bellamy hurries to his room, hoping she keeps her mouth shut about where he was coming from.  


* * *

**Spacekru**  
The news spreads quickly, which is not surprising considering there are only five other people on the ring beside him and Murphy.  
The first person to approach him is Emori, who comes to his room and sits on his bed, she runs a hand over his blanket and he sits up, watching her, nervous at what she has to say.  
Finally, she opens her mouth and Bellamy is not prepared for what comes out of her mouth.  
"John likes it when you fight him for control and he likes it when you are rough."  
Bellamy thinks of the nail marks he left and the marks Murphy left on him, he definitely knew that.  
He looks up and their eyes meet and Emori gives him a soft smile, there's a hint of sadness there and Bellamy wonders if she is okay with him and Murphy.  
"Me and..."  
"We broke up for a reason."  
She leaves the room as quickly as she came and he sinks back down under the covers.  


Monty and Harper are next. They are in the kitchen,washing up and putting things away for dinner when Monty brings it up, softly.  
"You know we love you right?"  
Bellamy freezes, hand reaching for the bowl and his shoulders slump, he had been hoping not to have the conversation with anyone, especially with the couple who seem most intuned with their emotions and reminded him of what he and Clarke could have had, if she made it back in time and to the ring.  
"I know it's not easy, being up here... without... and now this."  
"You didn't get to tell us yourself, and we know you might be angry about the fact that someone else told us."  
Bellamy clenches his jaw. He hasn't really let himself think about the fact that Echo had told the others, he knows that she didn't mean any harm. She had seen him coming from Murphy's room and had brought it up to the others. She didn't realize it was something he never told them.  


He shrugs and he can sense them exchanging a look.  
Harper places a hand on his arm, and she cups his face, making him look at her.  
"Bellamy."  
He swallows and ducks his head at her searching gaze.  
"The last person I told before Murphy was Gina."  
The words are soft and Harper wipes away a tear from his face.  
"Gina was good."  
Monty is behind him on the other side of him.  
"Gina was real."  
"Too good. When I told her, she asked about him, my.. boyfriend... on the ark. She listened. She knew, she understood that Clarke was special to me. Gina deserved better."  
Harper wraps an arm around him, pressing her lips to his shoulder and Monty squeezes his shoulder.  
Bellamy closes his eyes as he lets himself think of Gina. His heart clenches when he thinks of her giving him a book. He tries not to cry, thinking of the it being engulfed in flames before he remembers that he left the book in the rover.  


A noise causes them to jump and the couple pulls away from him but before they leave Bellamy stops them.  
"Thank you... for... for not making it into a big deal."  
Harper and Monty exchange a look and Harper laughs, bright and cheerful.  
"Bellamy, you weren't exactly subtle... you and Roan had a lot of..."  
"Tension?" Monty chimes in wrapping an arm around his girlfriend's waist.  
Bellamy smiles, thinking of Roan and the way the man had looked at him. Roan had proven himself to be both a force of strength in the battlefield and in the bedroom.  
Bellamy can feel his cheeks turn pink, as he thinks about Roan and the older man towering over him and a few moments aganist the rover.  


It's been a few days since Harper and Monty had talked to him.  
He's in his room, reading a book before he attempts to go to bed.  
He had given Murphy his dinner and then had stayed for a while, pinning Murphy under him as he fastened his mouth to a spot on Murphy's neck that had him cursing his name and clutching Bellamy's shirt in his hands. He and Murphy had decided to enjoy each other's company for the time being. No strings attached.  
The book is good, despite him having read it a few times.  
But that more to do with the fact that the name Clarke Griffin on the inside cover in her handwriting. Seeing her name had brought a lump to his throat and Bellamy had kept any of her old books in his possession. They were the only books he wouldn't let anyone else borrow.  
He's reading one of his favorite parts (and one of Clarke's since she had highlighted it with a blue color pencil), when Raven comes into the room, a frown on her face.  
Bellamy is quick to sit up and put his book down and he looks at Raven who is standing in the middle of the room.  


"Are you going to sit?"  
She ignores his question and instead fixes her eyes on him.  
“You never told me you liked guys."  
Bellamy raises an eyebrow at her blunt approach.  
Truth be told, he had been expecting Raven a few days ago. There had been a few times that he had seen her look at him, looking at him like he was a machine she was trying to figure out.  
But she hadn't said a word till now.  
“I don’t see how it’s any of your business.”  
Raven scoffs.  
“Are you kidding? How can you not tell me?”  
The anger and annoyance in her tone annoys him.  
He knows that's more hurt than angry but he doesn't like the fact that she's putting him on the spot. His walls are up and he knows that Raven uses anger to hide her emotions but it still bothers him.  
Her hurt and anger are hitting him right where it hurts.  
He stands up, glaring at her.  
“Because, Raven, who I sleep with, who I kiss, who I’m attracted to is none of your business.”  
Raven opens her mouth but Bellamy shakes his head.  
"I'm not under any obligation to tell anyone. Only I can decide when and who I tell and I don't like you cornering me."  
Raven looks pissed and Bellamy squares his shoulders, ready for the fight but then Raven's shoulders slump.  
"I didn't come here to fight... Bellamy, I don't care who you sleep with or are in love with, I just...Look I get it. I'm not Clarke. We don't understand each other with a simple look. But...but I, we are friends, aren't we? A family?"  
Bellamy lets out a breath, he didn't realize he was holding.  
He runs a hand through his hair, suddenly getting Raven is upset.  
He knows that Raven has a few issues to work on about Clarke- mostly about the fact that she feels jealous and a bit insecure about the fact that Finn cheated on her with Clarke and how Abby who she loved liked a mother seemed to prefer Clarke, and how everyone seemed to pick Clarke first.  
She's working on it, talking about it to Monty and Harper but he knows sometimes it hits her.  
"Raven, I never told Clarke. Every time I thought about it, something happened- the world was ending, we came up here or someone interrupted us. Now, I'm here."  
Raven is quiet as she sits down on the bed.  
"I'm sorry that you never got to tell her..." Raven fiddle with the pillow on his bed and Bellamy bites his lip, waiting for her to say something.  
" So you and Murphy?  
Her voice is teasing and Bellamy ducks his head, trying to hide his blush, which makes Raven laugh.  
She lays her leg on his bed, settling in for a nice long chat and Bellamy tosses her a pillow for her leg. 

* * *

**Gabriel Santiago**  
He likes Gabriel, he's got a lot of respect for him.  
Anyone who is willing to protect Clarke (and kill the love of their life for Clarke) is someone he respects a lot.  
And while he loves Clarke, loves her in a way he has never loved anyone before, he's not blind.  
Gabriel is attractive.  
He's tall with broad shoulders, dark hair, and a kind smile and Bellamy likes the way he rambles on about the anomaly.  
Gabriel's smart and Bellamy likes talking with him about things- whether it's books or history. It's all fun.  
Gabriel has a thirst for knowledge that rivals his own, and peace on Sanctum means he now has the time to read books.  


It's strange not to always be in charge, not to have to constantly wonder when and where the next threat is.  
It wasn't easy but with Clarke by his side and Diozya's and Indra intent on finding peace and Gabriel's support, things might never get done.  
But they had done it. they had managed to form some sort of peace.  
Homes were being built and groups that were once enemies, well they were seen laughing and talking and in some cases drinking together.  
Madi was going to school and she would come home her cheeks red, hair a mess from playing with her friends after school.  
He had found Clarke art supplies and the smile on her face had been enough to make his cheeks turn pink.  
He loves Clarke, but as much as he wants to, he knows they both need time to heal.  
They have time now, he can wait a few more months. He's been waiting for years, already.  
So he lets himself be happy.  
He borrows books from Gabriel and tells Madi stories, works on the relationship with his sister and lets Clarke draw him.  
Everything is good.  


However, there are only so many medical books that Gabriel has before Bellamy reads them all.  
He likes them, it makes for interesting conversation in Gabriel's house, the two of them sitting at a table, and Gabriel uses his hands to gesture as he talks, a shine in his eyes.  
He explains the things Bellamy doesn't understand and makes him laugh.  
It makes Bellamy run a hand through his hair and Gabriel smiles and everything he pulls on his cardigan he thinks of the look on Gabriel's face when he offered to give it back.  
Gabriel had looked him up and down in a way that made Bellamy realize that Gabriel was taller than him and that he found the height difference between them hot.  
"Keep it, it looks really good on you."  
Gabriel's voice had deepened at the really and Bellamy had swallowed hard.  
All he could think about was a boy on the ark who has once told him "You look really good in your uniform."  
After that, it had been hard not to notice how attractive Gabriel is.  
He's smart, all head like Clarke. He's got a soft spot for Madi and Bellamy sees him trying to make amends with the Children of Gabriel, so he acknowledges when he did something wrong.  


He wakes up one morning to someone shaking him awake.  
Opening his eyes, he finds himself face to face with Gabriel who raises a finger to his lips.  
"Get dressed and meet me outside."  
Bellamy tugs on his pants quickly and his shirt and he grabs the cardigan because the mornings are always a bit cooler.  
Gabriel is waiting outside and when he sees Bellamy he smiles widely.  
He's got a matching cardigan on and a bookbag on his shoulder.  
It's early morning and there a few people walking around, some are heading to hunt or school and others are still asleep.  
"Come, we need to go."  
"Where are we going?"  
Gabriel gives him a wink, "You up for a day trip?"  
Bellamy can feel a flush on his face as he thinks about the last day trip... with Clarke, showing her how to use the gun, the way he had been hit with the realization that she was special, important. He just didn't know how important she would be.  
Gabriel hands him the bookbag and then throws a leg over the motorcycle.  
"It's faster for us just to take one."  
Bellamy hesitates for a second but gets on the bike behind Gabriel and because he doesn't want to fall, wraps his arms around Gabriel, resting his chin on the older man's shoulder. Gabriel turns his head slightly and Bellamy licks his lips and Gabriel's eyes follow the motion.  
"Hold on tight."  
The roar of the engine causes Bellamy to squeeze Gabriel's waist and Gabriel laughs as he drives. The wind ruffles Bellamy's hair and he can't help but nuzzle Gabriel's shoulder as they make their way to wherever Gabriel is taking them.  
A part of him wants to ask him where they are going, why they left so early in the morning but another part of him simply wants to relax.  


Gabriel stops in what appears to be the middle of nowhere and Bellamy is a bit reluctant to let go of him. It's been a while since he's been pressed against a body like that and his arms around Gabriel, the vibration of the motorcycle under him, well it stirred a lot of things up.  
It had been a while since he had slept with someone, not since earth and even then it had been different, the knowledge that Clarke was alive in his mind, making it hard for him to enjoy himself.  
But Gabriel was different, he and Clarke got along and there was no history between them.  
"Where are we?"  
He leans against the motorcycle as Gabriel looks around the woods, taking a deep breath.  
"There's a bunker that I wanted to show you, I think you'll like it."  
He gestures for Bellamy to follow him and the two fall into step, talking.  
Gabriel tells Bellamy that the bunkers were supposed to be observation points for Josephine but during one of their many lives together, she had built him his own bunker that he could use for his own purposes.  
It's not a far walk and the two boys are able to pull the door open together.  
Gabriel hands Bellamy a flashlight, he wants to see his face when Bellamy sees what's inside the bunker.  
"You first."  
Bellamy walks down the stairs carefully and as he turns to look into the bunker he gasps.  
Books.  
There are books everywhere.  
Gabriel can't stop the smile on his face from growing as he sees the awestruck look on Bellamy's face.  
He watches as Bellamy runs a finger across the spines of some books, and shivers, thinking breifly of Bellamy running a finger down his bed, or him running his fingers down Bellamy's spine.  
Bellamy picks up a book and he looks at Gabriel who nods, giving him a soft smile.  
"I figured we could use a break."  
Bellamy instantly drops onto a bed full of pillows and blankets and it's not long before he is fully into the book, his eyes scanning the pages fervently, fingers carefully turning the pages.  
Gabriel, on the other hand, spends his time looking for a book to read.  
There's not a lot of places where he can sit to read- the stairs or the pillows right next to Bellamy.  


He picks the stairs because as he watched Bellamy look for a book earlier he had to fight the temptation to press Bellamy against the books and kiss him, to peel the cardigan off him.  
Some distance between them was a good idea.  
He brought Bellamy here so the man could read new books not to kiss with him, although he wouldn't mind doing that either.  
He's not going to admit it but he can come here a few days ago to air it out and to bring new pillows and blankets for the bunker. It was nice to have a place he could call his own and sharing it with Bellamy who loves to read and learn as much as he does- even better.  


It's not long before Bellamy shuts out the world, too focused on reading his book. Gabriel, on the other hand, is too distracted to get fully invested in his book.  
Bellamy's an active reader. He bites his lips and furrows his eyebrows. He gasps and runs a hand through his hair.  
Eventually, he spreads out on the bed he is on, head bent towards the book, a curl falling in his face that Gabriel wants to push away from his face.  
When Bellamy finishes the book he looks up to find a canteen of water next to him and he flashes Gabriel a smile.  
"Here, something to eat."  
The bread is warm and buttery and Bellamy can't help the moan that slips out as he eats it.  
After six years of algae, everything tastes better.  


Bellamy isn't sure what his next book should be. They have been there for hours, having already read three books and had stopping to have some lunch and wine Gabriel and brought.  
It's been a while since he felt this good this relaxed. After they had eaten, Bellamy had managed to persuade Gabriel to join him on the pillows and they sit curled up on opposite ends.  
But Bellamy is all too aware of Gabriel, his leg brushing his and Gabriel can't help but sneak glances as he watches Bellamy finish yet another book.  
Bellamy tries to read slowly but his legs hurt and he needs to stretch and there are so many more books he doesn't even know what to start next.  
So he pushes himself up, wincing at the creak of his knee and Gabriel stiffens a laugh and Bellamy throws him a glare. "Watch it old man."  
"This old man can take you down any day."  
Bellamy can feel himself blush and the top of his ears feel warm and he ducks his head to look at the books.  
He tells himself that Gabriel didn't mean to be suggestive.  


Gabriel watches as Bellamy trails his fingers across the spines of books. His ears are pink and Gabriel bites his lip, debating on whether to make a move or not when Bellamy reaches for a book that's above his head, rising to his toes, trying to reach it, the Iliad on its spine.  
Gabriel jumps to his feet, not wanting the books to topple over or for Bellamy to hurt himself.  
Bellamy freezes as he feels Gabriel behind him, reaching for the book, the man's taller frame pressed close to him, warmth passing through the cardigan.  
Bellamy turns around and Gabriel steps back book in his hand, they stare at each other, tension crackling in the air.  
It's Gabriel who makes the first move, dropping the book to the floor and pushing Bellamy against the shelves, hands cupping his face, kissing him hard, desperately.  
Bellamy's hand clutch Gabriel's cardigan as he kisses him back. He lets his hands trail down to Gabriel's pants and tugs him closer Gabriel's hips bumping into his as he moans and Gabriel takes advantage of that, deepening the kiss.  
He lets go of Bellamy's face to run his hands down Bellamy's back, cupping his ass.  
Bellamy pushes Gabriel's cardigan off and it drops to the floor and Gabriel pulls away from him to pull him towards the bed, both of them smiling.  


They make their way back to Sanctum, smiles on their faces, Bellamy's arms tight around Gabriel's waist, a hickey on his shoulder, hair a mess.  
Gabriel kisses him just before they enter Sanctum, biting his lip, letting his hands squeeze Bellamy's ass which makes him laugh and they break away, laughing, a smile on his face.  
"Thank you for today."  
Gabriel gives him a soft kiss and walks away, neither of them aware of a small blonde who had seen them.  


**Clarke Griffin**

Clarke is avoiding him.  
She's leaving meetings as quickly as she can, she's already done with her food when he comes by with a plate. She's not at her house when he comes knocking or she's already in bed when he tries to see her.  
It's frustrating because he doesn't know why she's avoiding him out of nowhere.  
He's torn between wanting to ask her what is wrong and giving her space.  
But then he notices her looking at him, a quizzical look on her face when he talks to Gabriel.  
He doesn't put too much thought into it until they are all in the tavern, drinking and Gabriel is laughing, nudging his shoulder and he sees Clarke knock back her drink and reach for another one.  
Maybe it's because they are at peace or because Clarke has never been a heavy drinker but it's nothing before she's tipsy, blonde hair curling around her face, her cheeks flushes pink, eyes bright.  
She's pressed against Murphy who has an arm around her to steady her as Emori laughs.  
She dances with Hatch who spins around in circles while his wife, Nikki watches, with what Bellamy considers a smile on her face.  
She presses a kiss to Jordan's cheek and steals Gabriel's cardigan claiming she was cold.  
Bellamy likes seeing her relaxed but he's worried so he wraps an arm around her waist.  
"How about we call it a night?"  
She clings to him nuzzling his neck and he shakes his head.  
"We're calling it a night too."  
Nikki is smiling, having beaten Murphy out in a drinking contest.  
They all head back together, Nikki and Hatch going to their house and Murphy and Emori to theirs.  
Madi is staying with Indra for the night and Gabriel waves to them as he heads to his place leaving Bellamy with Clarke.  
She clings to him, and Bellamy laughs into her hair as she stumbles over her feet.  
He helps her into her house and kneels to tug off her boots as she lets Gabriel's cardigan hit the floor.  
When he stands up her hands are on his shoulders and she looks at him softly.  
"Thank you."  
She presses a kiss to his cheek, her hands clutching his cardigan and she looks at him softly and he lets his hands slide to her waist, keeping her steady.  
"You good princess?"  
She wraps her arms around him, nodding and he pulls her in closer.  
It's been a while since she's been in his arms like this, nose nuzzling his neck and he presses a kiss to her hair.  
She lets out a soft breathy sigh and her arms squeeze him.  
He's in no hurry to let go and she seems in no hurry too so Bellamy tilts his head to rest aganist hers.  
He let himself relax, she's soft and curvy and her hair smells good, it reminds him of earth.  
It's hard to believe how many years have passed yet no matter what, she still feels like home.  
She moves her head, her lips brushing aganist his skin and he fights back a groan.  
"Come on, time for bed." She whines, her arms tighening around him but he lifts her up, intent on doing some sort of waddle with her standing on his feet to get her to bed and instead her legs wrap around his waist.  
A lesser man would have stumbled but instead he lowers his hands from her waist to under her ass and she burries her head into the crook of his neck and he carries her to bed.  
She falls back onto the bed, blonde hair splayed on the bed, eyes dark as she bites her lip, hands reaching for him.  
She's utterly gorgeous and he needs to leave.  
He unwraps her legs and kneels down to pull off her boots and she braces herself up on her elbows.  
"Stay?"  
Bellamy freezes, his hands wrapped around her ankles.  
"Clarke, you're drunk."  
She sinks back down onto the bed and brings her legs towards her and he grimaces, it can't be too comfortable.  
"Don't you want to change?"  
She turns her back on him and he feels his heart break and shuffles up until her head in near the pillow. "I'm tired. You should go, don't want to keep Gabriel waiting."  
Her voice is soft, wavering and he doesn't like it.  
"Clarke."  
He reaches for her but she curls into a ball away from him and he drops his hand, his heart sinking.  
Still he tugs the blanket over her and then makes his way out of her house.  


He goes to Gabriel's, knocking on the man's door loudly.  
"Are you and Clarke fighting?"  
Gabriel's shirtless, ready for bed. He blinks, rubbing his eyes.  
"Not that I'm aware of? Why?"  
Bellamy runs a hand through his hair and Gabriel thinks pity of him, pulling him into the house. Bellamy sinks down onto Gabriel's bed, the older man steering him to his room.  
He explains what happened and how Clarke had told him to go.  
Gabriel's laying on the bed, half asleep but still listening and once Bellamy is done talking he opens his eyes, rasing an eyebrow.  
"You're an idiot. Now I see why Clarke is the head and you're the heart."  
Bellamy shoves him, they have had hooked up a few more times and reached a new level of friendship where they can tease each other but still be serious with the other.  
Gabriel turns on his side, propping his head up, he pats the bed and Bellamy lays down next to him. To his surprise, Gabriel leans over to kiss him, the hand not propping him up in Bellamy's hair. Bellamy kisses him back, half pilant under Gabriel's touch, half tired from the night out.  
When they do break away, Gabrile gives him a fond look, his eyes are soft and he's smiling and he traces circles on Bellamy's chest.  
"She loves you."  
Bellamy blinks at him and Gabriel smiles, amused.  
"But you knew that. And you love her, I knew that... Bellamy did you ever stop to think that she's jealous?"  
"Why would she be jealous? Everyone on this planet and on earth knew that I love her."  
Gabrie bites his lip in concentration, eyebrows furrowed.  
"Maybe she saw us?"  
"Saw us? Why would she... I never told her. Gabriel I never told her."  
Bellamy is sitting up, heart racing as the realization hits him.  
"Bellamy?"  
"I never told her that I was bi... what if she hates me for not telling her?"  
Gabriel scrambles to sit in front of Bellamy and places his hands on Bellamy's shoulders.  
"Deep breaths, okay? Deep breaths."  
He takes a deep breath and Bellamy takes one too.  
Once Bellamy's breathing is back to normal, Gabriel squeezes his hand.  
"Bellamy. I don't Clarke can hate you for anything. If anything, you telling her would mean a lot."  
"I wanted to tell her sooner, but there was..."  
"Always something going on?"  
Bellamy laughs, shaking his head.  
"We always had the save the world."  
"But you got time now."  
Bellamy's quiet, "I got the time now."  
He leans in to kiss the older man softly, "Thank you."  
"Bellamy, you should take the bike... go get some air with her when you're ready.  
Then he's out the door and after a moment's debate he's back at Clarke's.  
She's curled up but when he pulls the covers back she turns to look at him, "Bell?"  
He likes the way she says Bell and he kicks off his shoes and kicks off his pants and pulls his shirt off before climbing into bed.  
He turns to face her, "Can I stay?"  
Clarke turns back around and his heart sinks but then she's scooting backwards and his arm wraps around her waist.  


They've been in bed for a few minutes before Bellamy finds the courage to tell her.  
"Clarke, I need to tell you something... I'm bisexual."  
He waits for her to say something to react but she lets out a soft snore and he sighs, of course she falls asleep when he says the words.  
He nuzzles her hair and closes his eyes, he'll tell her later, one day.  


He wakes up to find her looking at him.  
"You stayed? What about Gabriel?"  
Bellamy licks his lips wondering how much he should say but before he can say anything, there's a knock on the door.  
It's Madi and Bellamy sighs.  
She grins when she sees them and Clarke sits up.  
"Madi!"  
"Looks like someone had fun."  
But she kicks off her shoes and climbs over Bellamy to settle herself in between them and Bellamy and Clarke exchange a smile as she tells them about the sleepover she had with her friends.  
Clarke tells her about dancing and how they played some games and when Madi turns to him, Bellamy tells her how good and happy it was to see Clarke smiled which makes the young girl beam.  
Everytime Bellamy opens his mouth that morning, he closes his mouth, not sure how to tell Clarke now in the daylight.  


"Wanna go for a walk?"  
They do a few laps around Sanctum before they make their way to a grassy patch near the lake, he spreads the cardigan on the grass so Clarke can sit on it which results a brief disagreement on who should sit on the cardigan but he wins.  
Clarke sits down and she pulls out a sketch pad and a color pencil Bellamy had found in Gabriel's library.  
He watches her for a while as she sketches the lake.  
"I have something to tell you."  
She squeezes his hand and gives him a tight smile that doesn't reach her eyes.  
"I know, I'm so happy for you."  
He looks at her, eyebrows knitted together in confusion.  
"What are you happy about?"  
Clarke blinks at him, her lips parting in surprise.  
"I was talking about you and Gabriel?"  
Bellamy's confused and he pulls his hands out of hers to run it through his hair.  
"Me and Gabriel?"  
"I saw you!"  
"Saw us?"  
"I saw you a few weeks ago, kissing outside your cabin."  
"You saw us?"  
Bellamy thinks back to the times he and Gabriel has been sneaking off. He thought they had been more discreet.  
"You guys seem really happy together...I'm happy for you."  
"It's not like that!"  
She raises an eyebrow.  
"Look, Gabriel, he's cute, funny, sweet. I could like him a lot but that doesn't matter."  
Clarke pushes herself up from the grass and Bellamy looks up in shock at the angry look on her face.  
"Doesn't matter? Of course it matter, Bellamy! You deserve to be happy!"  
"And I am happy! I'm here alive, with you, with my family. How could I not be happier?"  
He stands up facing her, the two of them squaring off.  
Bellamy doesn't understand why Clarke's eyes are blazing with passionate fury, her chest is heaving as she breathes hard, her cheeks red and he stands up taller, and she looks up at him, chin jutted out.  
"You deserve more than happiness! You deserve to be loved!"  
"For fuck sakes, Clarke! I am loved! My sister loves me, my family love me, you love me right?"  
Clarke's cheeks turn pinker and she seems to puff up in shock.  
"Of course I love you."  
That's all he needs.  
He strolls forwards until he's standing right in front of her.  
"Do you know why it doesn't matter to me?"  
Clarke opens her mouth but Bellamy continues on, brown eyes focused on her blue ones.  
"Because I'm in love with you!"  


The words echo in Clarke's brain and her heart is pounding.  
She takes in Bellamy, his brown eyes, looking at her the way he looked at her back on the ground and she thinks of him in his orange jumpsuit _"I got you for that_."  
She swallows hard, not believing that he had said those words to her, about her.  
Bellamy steps closer, cupping her face and leaning in slowly, giving her a chance to walk away, to break his heart.  
Instead her eyes flutter close as his thumb runs along her cheek and stops at the mole on the corner of her lips, when she opens her eyes he's looking at her with such softness, such fondness, so much love that she trembles as she tilts her head up, knowing and hoping that she knows what he is about to say.  
"I'm in love with you, Clarke Griffin."  


He leans in and kisses her softly and her lips part in surprise. Her trembling fingers clutch his arms and she kisses him back.  
He's thought about this, what it would be like to kiss Clarke. But his thoughts can't compare to the reality of kissing Clarke, the way her skin is soft under his fingers and the way her hands feel as they hold onto to his forearms, the pressure of her lips aganist his, the softness of her lips, the way she taste like the berries that Murphy had served them for breakfast that Clarke loved, the small whine that comes from her mouth as he pulls away, only to press his forehead against hers and she lets out a soft content hum that fills his chest with happiness. Her hands drop to her side and he combs her hair away from her face.  
"I've loved you for so long Clarke. No guy, no girl, no one I've ever slept with or even met can compare. It's been you."  
Clarke's hands curl around his and she pulls away from him and his heart drops.  
But her thumb is rubbing soothing circles over his pulse point and he feels himself relax.  
"You loved me?"  
"No, I love you. I never stopped."  
"But...Gabriel?"  
"Is kind, a good kisser. We had fun. I like him but I love you. He knows that... Plus he kinda clued me in that you might be a bit jealous."  
Clarke laughs softly, ducking her head as her cheeks turn pink and Bellamy smiles.  
He pulls his hand away to sit back down on the ground and he holds out a hand to her.  
She lets him pull her to the ground and then she's leaning over to kiss him, hand cupping his jaw.  
He pulls her legs over his lap until she's close enough for him to tug on her hair as he kisses her and she's smiling into the kiss and he can't help but smile too and then it's just them smiling and they break away laughing.  
For the first time in a long time, they let go of thier responsibilty.  
She smiles up at him as he lowers her onto the cardigan and she tugs on the curls on the back of his head as he presses kisses to her face- the mole on her lip, her nose, the corner of her eye, her temple, her lips, making his way to her collarbone which makes her laugh and squirm under him.  
Eventually she flips them around and her fingers curl around Bellamy as she kisses the freckles on his face,stopping to kiss the scar above his lip.  
She wants to know how he got that scar, she wants to know everything she's ever wondered about him.  
She wants to tell him about her scars, answer all his questions.  
But they have time for that.  
There's no reason to rush it all, there is no upcoming war, no end of the war.  
They have time.  


He runs a hand through her hair, tugging on a newly dyed strand as she rests her head on his chest, his steady heartbeat under her ear.  
Clarke is connecting the freckles on his chest and it makes him smile as he pulls the blanket over her shoulder.  
She tilts her head to place a kiss on his bare jaw and he intertwines their fingers.  
He's going to marry her soon.  
He's asked Gabriel for help with a ring and Raven has offered to make the band.  
It's been six months since the day of the lake and Bellamy had leaned something new about Clarke every day.  


The scar on her ankle is from a bear trap.  
She's allegeric to the orange flowers near Raven's workshop but the yellow ones are her favorites.  
(He makes sure that they always have fresh flowers on their table.)  
She's got a mole on her hip.  
She tells him about a gun and a bird and that has him holding her tighter to him, and he whispers "I love you" over and over again until she kisses him, tears on her cheek.  
Clarke's first crush was a girl named Glass.  
She tells him about the loneliness she felt in the Skybox and he wishes he could be there with her then.  
She tells him about Finn making her smile, and of Lexa's betrayal and softness, of Niylah, about Roan, about Cillian.  
She tells him about the radio calls, hand clenching the cardigan head tucked under his chin as she curls into his lap.  
He tells her that he wishes he heard them and how he would have responded to them.  
She tells him about Josphine and how she almost gave up and he tells her how he destroyed Josephine's room and how he nearly fell apart when he told Madi and how he did fall apart, looking up at the star sitting near the lake.  


Likewise she's learned about him.  
The scar above his lip- accident on the ark with Octavia.  
He tells her how he wore a blue shirt up on the ring to remember her.  
She learns that he likes to use his hands when he talks about history with the kids.  
He hates the taste of the blue alcohol but will drink it if prompted.  
He tells the best stories- Clarke has no shame sitting with the kids from Sanctum and from the bunker and listen to him talk.  
He tells her about what his mother did to provide for them, tells her of the fear he felt as he laid in bed waiting for her to come home from whatever guard she was with, wishing that Octavia could lay next to him, where he could protect her.  
He tells her about Luke and Clarke blinks back tears as she remembers a guard with a kind smile who always asked her how seh felt and slipped her color pencils when he could.  
He tells her about Roma and Bree, about Raven, about Heather, about Gina, about Roan, about Macallen, about Echo, about Gabriel.  
(Which prompted questions of how it was, her cheeks pink, which made him wonder if he was not the only one who took notice of Gabriel's desirable qualities.)  


Clarke rasies thier intertwined hands to her lips, kissing his knuckles and the small action fills him with some much happiness and joy.  
Some days it's hard to believe that this real, that she's there in his arms, in his life.  
"I love you."  
He pulls his hand out of her hair and she lifts her off his chest.  
She scoots up so they are sharing a pillow and turns to face him, and he follows her, his fingers running up and down her bare spine and she looks at him, taking in soft brown loving eyes and the freckles on his face that remind her of the constellations down on earth.  
Kissing her is what he imagines happiness and joy to taste like.  
"I love you."  


**Author's Note:**

> This fandom needs more Bi Bellamy content.  
> You are all valid and loved. 
> 
> This was supposed to be a short 3-5k thing and then it blossomed into this 12k+ monster. Every time I thought I could publish it, my brains was like you should add this person and add this detail.
> 
> It was an absolute joy to write and finally publish it.  
> I hope you all loved this as much as I do.
> 
> There are a lot of people to thank for this.  
> To the random anon on tumblr who asked me for how people would react to Bellamy coming out, thank you for that ask. 
> 
> To Becca, Chey, Jess, Court, Lea, and no doubt countless others I'm missing thank you for the inspiration and for being the first people to build and create this idea. 
> 
> To Kayla, Aloe, Penguin, Zozo, Meg, and the people in my Bi Bellamy gc, thank you for putting up with my questions, cheering me on and supporting me. 
> 
> To Yas and Clarie- thank you for being some of my biggest cheerleaders and reminding me to drink water.
> 
> To Lynn, thank you listening to me go on and on about this at 2am for weeks straight. For encouraging me to add to this, for believing in me.
> 
> Much love to every single one of you and much love to everyone reading this.


End file.
